Thursday 29 September 2022

Conversation About Conversations Part Eleven With Allan Parker

Thrilled once more to engage in conversation about conversations with Allan Parker. In this episode we explore the final three pillars of wise conversations: courageous, compete with yourself, and composting.

There's a snapshot of all thirteen pillars below.

Below this video on YouTube you will find links to previous ten conversations.

The thirteen pillars of wise conversations

1. Check-ins

Letting each other know where we are at personally and what we are working on is a ritual that sets the tone for our conversations and often leads to the topic for discussion.

2. Candid

I think the first words that came out of my mouth where candid. They caused a bit of a stir apparently!

I've never been backward coming forward. I think life's too short for BS. 

Not everyone appreciates candour however and therefore being candid can be tricky. I've worked very hard to make sure that my candour means I'm also kind.

3. Convivial

Being convivial as well as candid has taken my communication and conversations to a whole new level.

Some synonyms for convivial: friendly, genial, affable, amiable, congenial, agreeable, good-humoured, cordial, warm, sociable, outgoing, gregarious. We're all capable of these character traits when we're being the best version of ourselves.

4. Compassionate

There's a lot of truth for me in the following attributed to Fred Kofman, a leader in the conscious business movement:

"Wisdom without compassion is ruthlessness, and compassion without wisdom is folly."

One of the Apostles of the Christian Church is reported to have said, “Faith without works is dead.”

A lot of faiths are dead, dying, or in trouble today because the actions of a few of the faithful betray their stated beliefs.  I meet a lot of people more interested in being right than being compassionate for example. 

Compassion for me is at the truthful heart of all the world’s religions. Compassion is not a belief, it's a behaviour.

5. Conscious

Conscious leadership, conscious business, conscious capitalism are just three current trends. I recommend a google search on consciousness. In my world all conversations are embracing consciousness and particularly focusing on who we are, why we're here, and why understanding our interconnectedness with all living things, including our planet and the universe, is crucial to being the best we can be.

6. Compelling

I put together a short paper about compelling conversations with my friend and colleague Gary Edwards.

We say in the paper that every conversation has two aspects: the Task (should we do this thing?) and the Relationship (are you someone that I can trust?). Download the paper here.

7. Civil

Civility for me is more than politeness and good manners. Civility is also about treating people how they expect to be treated (the platinum rule) and never being aggressive or violent.

8. Calm

Having a warm and open heart and a clear mind means being able to be calm regardless of the situation. Being calm includes being patient. A high level of Response Ability is essential to being calm.

9. Caring

Caring begins with self-care. Caring for others is to support them in being fully alive human beings. 

10. Courageous

In our Wise Leaders Community Groups we live out loud and give and receive support. Courage is paramount as is stepping out of our comfort zones. Being able to explore and experiment in a a safe environment inspires courage out in the world.

11. Compete with yourself

There's a complimentary online course here that will take you through the compete with yourself concept and the other piece of the puzzle collaboration.

12. Composting

Composting is our word for allowing time for contemplation and for mulling over things. It mirrors garden composting in that we are taking ingredients and through a natural process enabling transformation.

13. Continuous

All the great conversations are like meeting up with old friends, we pick up where we left off. There is no ending, just progress.

Become the wise leader you want to be.