A few times in my life I have felt let down by what I perceived was betrayal by others of perceived agreements to do certain things.
The last time this happened I allowed myself to feel hurt for many months. The positive consequence was that I developed a process for reaching agreement with others. I trust you will find it valuable in making your collaborations successful.
There are three worlds. The one in here - that’s my world; the one out there - that’s your world; and the one that is vital when it comes to collaboration - the world we share.
I find that there are three main reasons for human conflict:
1) disagreement about the goal/s, objective/s, or aim/s.
2) disagreement about how the goal/s, objective/s, or aim/s will be achieved.
3) assumption of agreement in 1) and/or 2), and a negative response when such assumptions result in perceived betrayal.
Seven special steps to successful collaboration
1) Establish that there is agreement concerning the goal/s, objective/s, or aim/s. Don’t move on until you are absolutely certain there is agreement.
2) State what you can and will do to achieve the goal/s, objective/s, or aim/s.
3) Ask the other person or people involved to state what they can and will do to achieve the goal/s, objective/s, or aim/s.
4) State what you feel are the milestones or measurements that will indicate you on on track to achieve what you say you will in 2).
5) Ask the other person or people involved to state what they feel are the milestones or measurements that will indicate they are on on track to achieve what they say they will in 3).
6) Agree on dates and times you will be in touch with each other to discuss progress and celebrate achievements.
7) Confirm in writing via email or letter your agreements in 2) through 6) and ask for a confirmation response from the other person or people involved.
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