Thursday 11 August 2011

Changing what’s normal conversations

Two trends I like in professional speaking are that presenters are more and more catalysts for conversation and there is an audience expectation of the speaker to engage in conversation. I love these trends as they are a personal preference.

Conversations of meaning are a challenge for most people particularly in the age of all things digital.

Here are my top twelve tips for engaging in meaningful conversations:

1) Craft and present your messages with the receiver/s in mind

2) When sending a message be clear on what you want to happen as a result of sending your message. The more clarity you have, the clearer your message will be and therefore the better reception you will get

3) Ask the receiver/s for feedback on your message effectiveness, i.e. do they get what you intended them to? Often we think we have been understood and we haven’t been. Such misunderstanding can have devastating consequences. Feedback clarifies for us that others have got our message

4) When receiving a message focus on understanding and not on responding

5) Respond enthusiastically in genuine ways to what others share with you

6) Give feedback to the sender so that they know you got their message

7) Focus on reaching a shared view as a result of conversations. We live in three worlds; the world in here, that’s my view, the world out there, that’s your view, and the world we share, things that matter that we agree on. Ending up with a shared view should be the aim of all our conversations

8) Sometimes other people say things that conflict with our beliefs or values. Meaningful conversations are beyond beliefs and values and require an openness to changing our hearts and minds as well as acknowledging and valuing beliefs and values that are different to ours

9) Share stories other people can feel or see themselves in

10) Be spontaneous using I language and expressing how you feel

11) Take nothing others say as personal even if you feel or think it is

12) Above all, be yourself

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
Oscar Wilde

Here’s to joy and success in all your conversations.

On a regular basis I host online conversations about the status quo and how we can change what's normal in order to build a better world. Each conversation is limited to a small group of people.

Several time slots are available for each particular topic. You can be notified of the available times by signing-up here. By signing up you can download a one page PDF version of the 12 tips above.

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Author of Changing What’s Normal

Partner of passionate and enlightened leaders in several countries since 1991, to change what’s normal for the good of people, our planet, and for profit.

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1 comment:

Roberta KISTS said...

Love the Oscar Wilde quote - what a wise man he was.
Your points 4 and 5 seem to be the greatest challenge sometimes in my experience. That need to respond rather than understand seems to carry people away - defensive thinking. Number 11 is one of the 4 Agreements I live by and the hardest one for me to live by.
Thanks for sharing these tips. Love your ruminations